covered in blonde hairs

i woke up too early in my strange and huge utah bed (just picture california queen, except with room for 3-5 sister-wives instead of one petite california queen). i couldn't stop thinking about why i didn't create what i wanted with my crush, a pattern that is just now beginning to be clear. I think i'd give myself maybe a B, B-, we had really great times together but now i'm in utah and she's leaving the country and i didn't get to say goodbye or even hear about the trip. the short of it is, i have generally assumed that I should underestimate the progression of romantic encounters. I'm not sure what "should" criterion that fits in, might be the pragmatic one (ie underestimate more likely to yield results than overestimate... i'm not so sure the data back that up), but (as my stepmother just now chose to describe me) more likely i have been timid, there is fear of losing control of the situation when i overestimate or even hit things bang on (i wish i knew how to spell double entendre).

that is why i really like women who send signals that they don't intend... last girlfriend did that, so then i had to convince her her signals were real and that took two months.

the other thing is stamina. ha-ha, have your little laugh. when i do decide to be fearless i can do it and it usually works well... but you can't just be fearless for an afternoon. you have to be. fearless. extended. nee, permanent.

anyway, at the very least i can be. home. for a few days, that's why i'm covered with snowy Zöe hairs.