old cousin

what do you tell your kid cousin as she grows up?

she's pretty and a girl, which of course disposes her to a different set of growing-up issues that I had. and it's 13 years later, which is also probably very different.

or maybe not. underneath i suspect it's all the same. unfortunately part of that is not giving a shit about the advice given to you as such. and i don't have much to say, i'm not so wise. i don't have much to say (as evidenced by typing that sentence twice in a row without realizing).

you have permission to screw up in anything less important than your long term life and health. you will get bad grades and hangovers and accidentally but selfishly hurt your friends' feelings probably wake up in a place or two that you didn't mean to sleep. the most important thing is to love yourself enough that you stay in school and have a designated driver and be able to love your friends through the hard times and for God's sakes, practice insisting on a condom sober or drunk, self-confident or needy. to see the difference between the minor and major is your challenge and as you accumulate minor screwups and minor victories and major victories it will get easier, never easy, that would reduce life to not being that interesting anymore.

and never cheat on a significant other. i still can't decide whether i'd rather have learned that lesson without actually doing it.

twee

no, of course not. that would be too easy.

525600 minutes

i woke up this morning knowing what i want... will it be the same tomorrow?

covered in blonde hairs

i woke up too early in my strange and huge utah bed (just picture california queen, except with room for 3-5 sister-wives instead of one petite california queen). i couldn't stop thinking about why i didn't create what i wanted with my crush, a pattern that is just now beginning to be clear. I think i'd give myself maybe a B, B-, we had really great times together but now i'm in utah and she's leaving the country and i didn't get to say goodbye or even hear about the trip. the short of it is, i have generally assumed that I should underestimate the progression of romantic encounters. I'm not sure what "should" criterion that fits in, might be the pragmatic one (ie underestimate more likely to yield results than overestimate... i'm not so sure the data back that up), but (as my stepmother just now chose to describe me) more likely i have been timid, there is fear of losing control of the situation when i overestimate or even hit things bang on (i wish i knew how to spell double entendre).

that is why i really like women who send signals that they don't intend... last girlfriend did that, so then i had to convince her her signals were real and that took two months.

the other thing is stamina. ha-ha, have your little laugh. when i do decide to be fearless i can do it and it usually works well... but you can't just be fearless for an afternoon. you have to be. fearless. extended. nee, permanent.

anyway, at the very least i can be. home. for a few days, that's why i'm covered with snowy Zöe hairs.

the database race

the shuttle is on its way home. and that makes me very worried about the war on terrorism.

although the cold war was apparently very scary, it did precipitate some amazing advances in aeronautical technology, through the need to demonstrate that our forces were capable militarily to confront the adversary. and of course there was the "space race" where the only reason to strive for great advances was because it was worth doing and hey, we have to be better than those commies. like all revolutions, the things we knew and the things we knew how to do after 1969 were almost inconceivable when president Kennedy made his speeches in the early 60s.

so regardless of what name one gives to the "enemy" in the war on terror, the "others," in a very real sense it is not obvious how to judge who is an enemy and who is not, particularly when the distinction is "definitely not your friend, but not going to kill your civilians" vs. "going to kill your civilians."

thus the major weapons of the new war, the long war, are fundamentally informatics. and that is very scary. we never really needed to worry about what advances in rocket technology were going to mean for the average person. but whatever the revolutions in information management, extraction, surveillance, and analysis, those technologies, which are going to be an inevitable part of this war, we need to very, very vigilant that those technologies grow as little as necessary to accomplish a more peaceful and just world.

politicians, this means you. just because the Bush administration is dumb enough to rely on illegal acts to "combat" their enemies doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of bad things one can do that are nonetheless legal. we need strong oversight, vision, and the guts to make politically challenging laws to preserve our freedoms, even when we didn't even realize we had the freedoms in the first place.

Re: blistex / link

four years of bioinformatics training, and i'm getting schooled in blogging! ok, even monkeys can be taught:

http://www.blistex.com/Global_lips.htm

“You’re About To Learn Secrets That Most Men Will Never Know About Women...”

No, you're not. But in the infinite and unexplainable wisdom of Gmail, such a link was presented to me right before I sat down to blog my party from tonight. Not my party, but the girls' party, which they threw a little bit because it's their birthdays but i suspect also because none of us have seen each other in forever. (can you tell i just checked up on one of my blogging heros? still working on my own style.)

before i forget, as a followup to kissing blog, check out (but come back):

http://www.blistex.com/Global_lips.htm

i am not drunk or even tipsy. i am tired and a little confused, disappointed, and pleased.

so the big question is not how to hit on women. that is A Big Question, but frankly I'm not necessarily so sure I want to be exceeding good at. I am sorry that I didn't chat up Jessica and Britney (yes, their real names; i don't know where Lindsay and Paris were).

does anyone else hear indian music? i went to India Cook House's web page in another window. Now when i select that window, no music. But blog window is rockin' naan. Maybe it will be magically embedded in the post.

the More Pressing Question (literally) is what to do when someone is working hard to get closer to you than; i can't think of what it is closer than. let's say there is an effort to make the contours of two bodies, the bends and valleys and twists, fit together like puzzle pieces. the dilemmas seem twofold.

1) what can i create in this situation, given the social toolbox that I am competent to employ.
2) what do i want to create in this situation, given that i am not someone who actually wants to seduce pretty women just because they are drunk. i mean, a pretty woman just because she is drunk. singular. haven't had to deal with the plural yet.

re 1) my toolbox is obviously not as limited as i think it is, if

who i accidentally talked to earlier but then had nothing to add (either pertinent or funny) to the smokers' conversation about mostly giving blowjobs from both the straight and gay perspectives comes up and stands way too close. i mean, too close to be an accident.

so here's what i want, i think. i know she (this she and all those in her situation) is probably not looking for a husband or a boyfriend or even a good fuck. so without being any of those things, i can still be a little receptive and playful and, i dont' know, sexy, but sexy in that enlightened way that we all want to get a little approval on who we are to the opposite sex and say (not in words), yes, girl, i approve, and i appreciate your approval. My instinct is that this is hard to convey without sending the "i'm seducing you" vibe, but fuck that former-self attitude, i dont' like where it has taken me.

i do like where this blog has taken me, but a sad thing is in the situation itself, i eventually blew it. at the time i let the awkward overtake me even though i know i could have come up with something to keep her interested and not be rude to the other people in the very strange conversation. she actually turned to me and said "well, this has gone well" before drifting off (although she did say it more happily than i have gotten in the past). poor dear was drunk as a skunk, but that had nothing to do with our interaction. i created all of it, good and bad. next time will be different.

anyway, hopefully my european parting kiss thing was at least a little gratifying. damn, girl, i appreciate your approval and yes, i approve.

wiki

As a transition from trip-blog to blog-blog, I have edited my first wikipedia entry!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stroopwafel

I'm sure there's a way for you to see whether my changes were consequential or minor, but for the sake of mystery I'm not telling...

My laptop appears to be resurrected; the entire old hard drive is lost, plus some memory. What I want to know is, what about sitting on my desk --not being used-- on Wednesday afternoon was so traumatic as to cause the RAM chip and the hard drive to die simultaneously?

Lost and sick

why did jack hit the damn button????

(sorry, i know i'm a full season behind).

All is malade. The server that has my email died on Friday and they replaced the drive yesterday, though apparently with no ill effects. My laptop waited about two hours after that repair to make quiet funny noises and then eventually squeal like a piggy. That's not normal, is it? All somehow related to the cold that I am fighting. WebMD says that moderate to severe ear pain after a cold is a sign of an ear infection. What about mild-but-present ear pain? Obviously if its severe people are going to go to the doctor. I want to hear about the gray area.

pause

I knew I should have recorded the feeling: waking up in my own bed; taking a shower in my own shower; seeing my roommate again. I think you can be comfortable anywhere but the comforts of Home envelope you.

There are so many people plagued by so many problems who never get to hit the pause button and just Be at Home.

charge, dammit!

sitting in the atlanta airport. am exactly 8 hours from landing in orange county. charging the old laptop, so stuck with this particular seat for a little while. You definitely notice the different look sported by americans compared to the euros. people are defintely thicker, people are not dressed smartly, generally, and the ones who are are really not working it - they all look like they all want to change. i think maybe you need a critical mass, otherwise people feel different and although one has to be different to be better, it sure isn't an instinct that comes naturally to many of us.

patricia was surprised that I got sick before the flight - usually its after - because of people like me, i guess. now here's a kicker... what do the kissing euros do when they are sick? i am sure that my host has no need to get sick this week.

hope this dayquil kicks in soon. i'm going to finish my organizing-my-data program today, that will give me a fighting chance to see how everything looks before my committee meeting, allegedly friday although my work email seems to not be working.

the guy sitting next to me just saw a friend of his who he never actuallly gets to see at home. funny thing how airports are like being in your home area but extended over the whole country. i just saw a 15 yrs younger cassie clone, that's as close as i've come so far.

crap, the liam lynch (the voice of olly (of sifl and olly, the best television show ever)) podcast i recently discovered is a video. i can't watch that on my screenless ipod now, can i! at least here i can put new music on my ipod.

ok, one picture. the canal-boat driver worked hard for this so here it is. if you look hard there are seven bridges that I am looking down.

I AMsterdam

Well Happy Thanksgiving! It turns out that Leiden has a special connection to the Pilgrims, who stayed here between their persecution in England and their future in the new world. That meant that I went to a Thanksgiving day service in the same old church (Pieterskerk) that the pilgrims went to. The same one! Crazy!

The service was a little weird, a little more we're-americans-in-Holland and a little less we're-thankful-people than I was expecting, but still had some important moments, and what the heck seeing a lot of americans in Holland (livng here) was interesting. And a big congratulations to the American School of the Hague band, who were really amazing. The second picture wastakn during the service.

The last couple afternoons I have spent in Amsterdam, the Van Gogh museum and Anne Frankhuis. Also took this picture that you wouldn't realize has way too much contrast to it. As i went down the alley to get a different angle on the church, i turned around and look! Two prostitutes in red-lit windows.

OK, sorry its time to go breakfast. Doeg.

gent ghent bruges brugge

so just got back from Belgium today, sitting in the Beldade/Dix living room again. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone if i don't blog again before then.

so brugge is a beautiful city with like several cathedrals and a castle, as is gent. i spent the last couple days taking pictures of them and of the town from on top of them. when the sun went down i enjoyed the belgian beers and food. actually didn't have any waffles, but did have fried mash potato balls, venison stew, chicken/mushroom/chorizo stew, and i think 6 belgian beers: La Trappe blonde, Westmalle Trippel, Primus, Stella Artois, Bier Miele, Kwak, and the Bierhuis's Huisbier. Seven! Rock on. and oh yeah, all-you-can-eat belgian spare-ribs (i was unprepared and could only eat one rack). and french fries met mayonaisse (yum).

the women in Belgium were also appealing but i sampled far fewer of them. beldade says the dressing nicely is a european thing but i think the belgians are more pristine than the dutch. not a value judgment, i myself look english (most people with whom i spoke assumed i was. to be fair they get a whole lot more english tourists in november than americans).

ok, enough of that nonsense. picture time.

first is another illegal picture i took today at cathedral St. bavo in Gent. I entered a side door so i didn't see the big sign saying no photos. this place was amazing, architecturally, plus it had a bunch of real cool art in in includeing a Reubens.

Next is the outside of that same cathedral. Huge.

Next is the bronze medallist of the Gent cathedrals. And yet its still pretty darn impressive.

After that is a picture of a street in Brugge that i passed on the way from the train station into the town. it turned out to be quite the little medieval-building decorated modern belgian metropolis, but at the time i took the picture i felt like i was the only one there seeing all these towers sticking up behind already-picturesque streets.

the interior of the main cathedral in brugge (Church of our Lady). y, pictures were OK in this one (talking was not). They even have a statue by Michaelangelo (they claim one of the few to have left Italy).

did i mention fries with mayonaisse????
i'm told the Royale with cheese thing is lies, though. they DO know what a Quarter-pounder is.

~Doeg~

brugge

For those of you planning to leave the Netherlands, never get on a Randstad Reil as part of your journey. It's just a mistake, no matter what lies the conductor tells you and vice versa.

staying in a youth hostel here, indeed near Gravensteen, a big-ol' castle, in Gent. While the weather looks nice I am going to head to the next town (Brugge). Probalby no Belgian pictures until i return to Patricia's well-connected guesthouse.

internect connection 2 euro/30 min. gotta go.

and the snake said, take picturesssssss

Dag. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Did finally make it into Amsterdam, mostly walked around and ended up having just a fantastic dinner (except when they forgot my chocolate mouusse... the whole dinner i was close enough to Dutch that the maitre'd and waitresses didn't speak to me in English, but damn i was not expecting to be asked "would you like your dessert or would you prefer that we remove it from your bill" that's not in the guidebooks). I had parelhoen, a bird like a quail that has little white spots on its belly, like pearls (parels). Marcel couldn't remember the English for the bird. It was very tasty, turns out that is the dutch word for Guinea fowl.

Turns out the world is still spinning and i've spend a bit of time today getting a just-announced scholarship application together so that it will be in before i am (ooh, scary) potentially out of email contact in Belgium through wednesday. I don't have reservations to sleep tomorrow night... exciting! I'm wild and free. woo.

Rembrandt would be 400 years old this year and Leiden, city of his birth, is doing exhibitions at the Lakenhal. Attached is the photographic evidence that I was there. I think it (De vlucht naar Egypte) was the 2nd piece I looked at (after Landschap met a harmhartige Samaarittan), and in both I swear I saw figures or other shapes that definitely didn't seem right in the picture. In the trees, one can see the remnants of a figure on horseback, whcih doesn't make any sense of course. I'm guessing the artist re-used the canvas/other medium? Anyway i was going to ask corey about it. But even turning off the flash, its a horrible picture per the glare of the glass. More importantly, the security guard came over promptly to tell me "No Photos."

Now look, in retrospect, that makes perfect sense. it interferes with other patrons, it is probably bad for the art (y, i did have the flash turned off, but it still casts some weird red light, and most of the time i and everyone else forgets to turn off the flash even when they don't want it). its just kind of gauche.

which is why i am still feeling horrible about it. for me, that is the worst; doing something basically rude; not realizing it but seeing so afterward; getting caught. In reality there were no signs or notes on the literature, i tried to be very polite (although it doesn't help that i chickened on trying 'het spijte me" which i think is I'm sorry) and i certainly had no desire to continue to deliquently take pictures. but i certainly could have asked beforehand instead. hmm, just thought of that. it will have to be my forbidden-fruit-ade, now i will certainly not forget to ask.

well i didn't come to much of a point there but itis 1 am. I keep sleeping until 10 an that's no good, i have to get out of town tomorrow!

Doeg

blogje

caption: furniture still must be moved in a bicycle economy.

i will be a good friend. i am a good friend? i am a good friend.

strangercat in a strange land

so the guide books are just crap for the netherlands. first of all, in neither the dutch phrasebook or the lonely planet does it mention that the dutch pronounce their w with a "v" sound, more like germans. luckily that is what they do, as the words just look like that's what they should be anyway.

in case you haven't noticed, its very late (for me, 0114 is rather late to be up). tonight beldade's friends from work went out to get a beer or 2 and i joined them. it is true that after restaurants or bars, one smells like smoke, although the experience of being in the bar is not so nasty, you don't really notice it. one of patricia's lovely friends asked me if i'd gotten used to being kissed.

the guide book said that the dutch don't really kiss. somehow i'd been projecting that outward and i didnit' have to get used to kissing because no kissing had happened. then when she left she told me that it was one of those moments when you awkwardly decide whether to kiss the american... so i learned that its three kisses, which would have been a much more useful thing to put in the book than zero. (when leaving the bar, i said my goodbyes to a frenchman and an american woman. in retrospect, i suppose we should have gone through the kissing thing there, i'm still hesitating on my bold and emotional side taking over in situations when it should be in the drivers' seat.)

ok, the promised picture (assuming i figure out how to put it up)... apparently the cat doesn't read Dutch either (you can guess what DICHT means).

~Doeg~

bicycles, vacation, fall

Dag... from Leiden. My command of Dutch is dreadful. I'm working on a sentence that is very polite but will clearly indicate that I will not be able to continue the conversation.

As you know i've never written a blog entry before, it is still an open question whether i've actually achieved making my life exciting enough for a weblog. However, at the moment I am sitting at Universietere doe scent (phonetic) Patricia Beldade's computer in the Netherlands, and during my two weeks in Europe something worth writing about has got to happen.

Today i visited the naturalis history museum. Lovely collection of specimens, all dead. I think my favorite discovery is that there is a Sea Spider species (Pycnogonum littorale) that the Dutch common name is Michelinmannetje. And yes, it is aptly named.

As for the blog, I am going to make the following committment: I will never hit "Save As Draft." I know that's going to make for some lousy posts, but otherwise I'll revise these to death. The first time they will be honest and momentarily accurate, so that's what'll get posted.

Maybe some pictures tomorrow.

OK, I should reliquish computer back to Beldade. ~Doeg~